Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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