Duck Duck Cougar?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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