um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
