Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
