Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
