i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
