i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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