it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
