she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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