I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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