Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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