i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize