I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
