he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
