everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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