I want to walk on stilts...naked
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She's the barista slut.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
