Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
