How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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