yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
