You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
