puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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