And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
