is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
