my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
