i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
