I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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