turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
