im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
