I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
