Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
