Michael Bay diarrhea
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I AM VODKA MAN
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
