He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
my shit smells like andre
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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