Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
