He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
