Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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