Nicole vs. Life
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I have post one night stand depression
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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