So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
