woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You know, be my cock's hype man.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
