Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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