My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
