You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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