well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
