even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
