So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
