Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
