omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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