It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
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This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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