She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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