come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Randomize
