People in love make me want to vomit
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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