Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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