I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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