no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
