she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
What a dumb baby whore.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
