I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
