wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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