Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
