the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
