I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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