Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I understand Curling. That high.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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