two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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