guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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