Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
