she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
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he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
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I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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