can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
