This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
