You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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