seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
