You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize