i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
