Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
