So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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