I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
