man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Vodka?
Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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