Did I show you my penis last night?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
