a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
