i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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